Some Days I Don’t Brush My Teeth — And That’s Okay

The Messy Middle
Written By Jamie Costelloe

There are days I wake up and brushing my teeth feels like climbing Everest. And spoiler: I don’t always make it to the summit.

This isn’t a confession. It’s a truth.

And I’m writing it here because I know — I’m not the only one.

“It’s Not Laziness, It’s Survival”

Say it out loud! There’s overwhelming evidence from neuroscience and psychology that explains why this happens! And I’m going to say it once again for those in the back/the ones who scrolled past without hearing me….and think they are personally failing.

“It’s Not Laziness, It’s Survival”

Let’s get one thing straight: if brushing your teeth feels impossible — your brain is probably in survival mode.

When we’re dealing with burnout, depression, or even just the daily crush of modern life, our nervous system sometimes pulls the emergency brake. This is something called hypoarousal, described in polyvagal theory by Dr. Stephen Porges. Basically, your brain goes:

“Nope. Too much. Shutting things down.”

This isn’t a personality flaw. It’s a neurobiological coping mechanism.

Executive function — the part of your brain that handles planning, initiation, and sequencing — goes offline. That’s why tasks like brushing your teeth feel impossible, while doom-scrolling for two hours feels effortless. It’s not about willpower. It’s about neural bandwidth.

When you're overwhelmed, your brain reroutes energy away from “non-essential” tasks like... hygiene. It's focusing on keeping you alive, not minty fresh.

But what really messes us up isn’t the unbrushed teeth. It’s the shame that follows.That gnawing voice that says:

“You’re gross. You can’t even do this one thing.”

“You’re failing at being a human.”

“Why are you so useless”

“Other people seem to do this so easily why cant you”

The last one is a trap for me because my boyfriend, amazing and wonderful as he is, doesnt struggle with a shower or basic tasks. Through no fault of his own, I find myself feeling ashamed I just can’t do it like he can.

We have all had these thoughts; particularly those living with a delightful cocktail of neurospicyness, depression, anxiety, invisible illness— we see you. We’re rooting for you. We pray for you (and your energy levels).

So this is what I want to say back to that voice:

“Kindly….shut up.”

You’re not failing. You’re adapting.

And that shame? It’s not motivational — it’s paralyzing.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, one of the world’s leading self-compassion researchers, practicing self-kindness during failure actually leads to more motivation, not less. Shame doesn’t make us try harder. It makes us hide.

Shame thrives in the silence. But here’s the thing, you are not alone. According to the World Health Organization, over 280 million people globally live with depression. And many of them are also skipping showers, meals, or brushing their teeth — not because they don’t care, but because they’re trying to survive.

So maybe you didn’t brush today. Maybe you haven’t brushed all week.

You’re still worthy. You’re still capable. You’re still lovable.

Your value is not tied to your ability to scrub plaque.

If you want to try again tomorrow, try brushing just one tooth. Or swish some mouthwash. Or sit at the sink and vibe with your toothbrush like it’s performance art.

That counts. The small wins count!

As a 90s baby I personally love the idea of a sticker chart. Celebrate the little wins and let yourself enjoy them.

Put pants on today - sticker!

Made cereal for dinner - sticker!

Folded 3 peices of laundry - sticker!

Answered a phone call without knowing who was on the other end - sticker!

Behavioral Activation Therapy — a technique used in treating depression — shows that tiny, low-effort actions can help break the paralysis cycle. This isn’t about achievement. It’s about motion.

So here is your reminder:

Some days, surviving is the win.

Your worth isn’t defined by your productivity.

You are Kind & Capable — even with fuzzy teeth.

Want to brush tomorrow? Great.

Don’t? You’re still doing better than you think.

This space is for starting again, no matter how messy the middle

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

(Just kidding. It’s Jamie. And Luna. She’s been my unpaid emotional support editor since draft one.)

Further Reading if You’re Into That:

Jamie Costelloe